Why you keep repeating the cycle of burnout & how to end it for good.
If you constantly experience the Sunday scaries, feel overwhelmed, exhausted, and depleted, and wake up every Monday morning worried that you might burn it all down, then keep reading.
I'm living proof that you CAN get out of the burnout cycle. I promise it is possible. But first, you have to recognize your behaviors that contribute to this burnout cycle and what needs to shift to end it for good.
So today, I want to discuss 3 key factors that contribute to ending the burnout pattern:
Recognizing and accepting that your job isn't the problem.
Acknowledging the behavior patterns that have led you to this point. Those behaviors may have contributed to your success, but they are also burning you out.
Remembering your value, stepping into your power, and setting boundaries.
Let's dive in, shall we?
Recognizing and accepting that your job isn't the problem. Ooof. This is tough. It's so easy to blame our job, our boss, or the company we work for for how burnt out we're feeling. The complaints of not having enough hours in the day to do our jobs well because our plates have become so overloaded. Feelings of frustration because the job is taking so much of our time and energy, and we feel like we aren't able to do the activities outside of work that we want to do. For example, you may feel like you don't have time to exercise or spend enough time with loved ones because you are working such long hours. Firstly, I want to acknowledge that all of these feelings are valid. It's likely very true that your job is incredibly demanding, that you have way too much on your plate, and you've sacrificed quality time with loved ones or yourself for your job.
On the other hand, what I want to challenge you with is WHY is this happening? How did you get here? I'm going to guess that this wasn't always the case. That when you first started at this job, it likely wasn't taking up all of your time and mental capacity. But at some point, there was an agreement that was made that led you here. It was likely a slow progression, but an agreement nonetheless. I want you to get incredibly honest with yourself. Reflect back on your time at this current job.
So for example. Let’s say you’ve been in your current role for 5 years. How did you feel when you first started? Did you start out with this new company bright eyed & bushy tailed? Did you have a clear idea of what your role was, what your responsibilities were & the hours you were expected to work?
How did you feel 6 months in? Did you have this same clarity or, when you reflect back, do you recognize that there had been a shift? Maybe you had said yes to more responsibility. Maybe your role had shifted and the clarity around your responsibilities had become a little bit fuzzy. Were you losing clarity because you didn’t have a defined role doc or had you lost clarity because you had slowly starting taking on more and more responsibility that wasn’t really yours because you wanted to please those around you and ‘go above & beyond’?
Now look at where you are 5 years in, feeling burned out and ready to burn it down. Can you spot specific behaviours that you practice now compared to year one? Were there specific moments in the last 5 years that you self abandoned and offered your weekend or an evening with your family for the job? Did that create a domino effect of you continuing to give up more and more of your own time for the job? Did you start to say yes to more and more responsibility at the sacrifice of your own health & wellbeing?
Again, I want you to get really honest with yourself. Because yes the company may have asked more and more from you but you did allow it to happen right? You said yes, and you continued to say yes for 5 years and now here you are….feeling frustrated, exhausted & starting to resent the job you once loved. The job that you know you are great at! Maybe you’re feeling like you can’t execute your job as well as you once did because you just have way too much on your plate and there’s not enough hours in the day to get it all done.
So not only are you feeling exhausted but you’re beating yourself up for not doing the job at the high level that you hold yourself to. Or you beat yourself up for not getting everything done on your to do list everyday but you have the workload of 5 people so it’s literally impossible. All of this negative self talk and frustration is significantly contributing to your burnout.
So at this point are you seeing where the behaviours that have contributed to your success are also the ones that are burning you out? For example, your company likely praises you for always saying yes and having no boundaries. You likely receive so much validation for always being available and willing to pick up the pieces or put out a fire. But if you’re listening to this, feeling depleted and like you’re ready to drop a match and walk away, then you need to ask yourself what all those ‘yeses’ have cost you.
Your physical health? Your mental & emotional wellbeing? Time with loved ones? Vacations? Time outside of work doing activities or hobbies you love? All of the above?
Maybe it felt worth it for awhile, but now you’ve come to the realization that this is no longer the path you want to continue down and you don’t know how to make a change without just walking away.
I am here to tell you that you don’t have to quit your job in order to change these behaviours.
I am also here to remind you how much inherent value you hold outside of your job. Outside of your career. Outside of the title you hold or what is in your bank account.
Maybe you’ve lost yourself in your job. You forgot what you used to enjoy doing because anytime you’re not working you’re thinking about work. Even when you’re out to dinner with a friend, or on vacation with your family. This is because your entire value and self worth has become wrapped up in your job.
You need to remember who the heck you are and how you are so incredibly valuable with or without your job. You are loved and you are respected outside of your career. You, just you is enough.
Let that sink in.
I’ll say it again, you are enough. Just as you are. Here in this moment. All that you are is perfect.
So how can you start remembering that and bringing that belief, that knowing, into your everyday life? When you can start looking at your job as just a job, even if you love what you do and you are incredibly talented at it, it’s still just a job. It does not define who you are. You are a whole being outside of it. So rediscover who you are outside of work.
What do you value most in this life? How do you want to spend your time in ways that are meaningful and bring you to life? What activities do you enjoy doing outside of work? If you don’t know because it’s been so long since you’ve done anything aside from work, why don’t you try something new? Take a pottery class, take a kickboxing class, take yourself out for coffee and read a new book. Try a few things and find what feels good and start incorporating these activities into your week. Even if it’s just once a week for a few minutes. Do something just for you that lights you up.
And then I want to encourage you to protect that time that you’ve set aside like your life depends on it. Because it actually does. Your time is your most valuable NONrenewable resource. It should be protected at all costs.
So for example, maybe you need to go to your boss and let them know that you can no longer work late on Thursday evenings because you have another commitment. That’s it. End of conversation. That is now your evening each week that you dedicate to you.
What an incredible way to demonstrate your self worth to you. This is so so powerful. It signals to yourself and your NS that you are prioritizing you and that is a beautiful act of self love.
Stepping into your power and setting a boundary like that is not easy. It might be incredibly challenging. It might be absolutely terrifying. But it’s necessary. And you can do hard things. You’ve done a ton of hard things to get to where you are now. You can do this. The world is not going to end. You will still be loved, respected and accepted.
If your job gives you pushback, there’s a deeper conversation to be had. But I can almost guarantee your company would way rather you take a Thursday evening off each week to fill your cup than you quitting and them having to try to replace you. Don’t forget how valuable of an asset you are and this isn’t going to change just because you set a boundary. I also want to remind you that by you prioritizing time for yourself, you are ensuring that your time with this company is sustainable long term. Because if you continue on the path you are on, you are going to burn out so bad that drastic measures may need to be taken. So it’s a win win for everyone.
The last thing I’ll say on this is that you wanting one evening per week back to yourself is not unreasonable. It’s unreasonable that you’ve been available 24/7 for your job and now that’s what they’ve come to expect from you. So just a reminder that if you feel like setting a boundary may be viewed as unreasonable, that is because unrealistic expectations have likely become the norm within the company.
What do your reasonable friends and family think of your working hours? What do people with some perspective have to say about your fears around setting aside some time for yourself? I bet they are encouraging you to finally stand up for yourself and take back your time. Sometimes when we are so deeply entrenched in the dysfunction within a company we don’t even recognize how much bullshit we have been allowing until it’s pointed out to us from someone on the outside.
Trust me. I’ve had some pretty wicked aha moments where I realized just how insane some of the behaviour around me had been and how I was acknowledging it as normal.
So I highly recommend you gain some outside perspective from people that haven’t been drinking the dysfunction Koolaid. Trust me, it makes it so much easier to step back into your power when you realize just how much you’ve given away. You’re like shit….how did I get here. I need to take this back.
So go get it friends. And let me know how it goes. Share your wins. Share how you felt the fear and did it anyway.
K xo